This month’s Vampiralooza continues on B-Movie Enema with The Werewolf Vs. Vampire Woman. This week we travel over to Europe and visit with a true horror icon that many here may not know too much about – Spanish filmmaker Paul Naschy.
Naschy is known for playing just about every monster you can think of which has granted him a distinction of being the Spanish Lon Chaney. Despite playing Frankenstein’s Monster, the Mummy, the Hunchback, and Count Dracula, it’s his work as cursed werewolf Waldemar Daninsky in an entire series named “The Hombre Lobo Series” This run found him playing Daninsky a grand total of TWELVE times.
And we can’t even get a guy to stick around for more than four James Bond movies before he splits. Sheesh.
Naschy is a definite heavyweight in non-English horror. Most of his movies have found some sort of release here, but it’s likely the masses would have hardly heard of him unlike the Christopher Lees and Peter Cushings who came over in the Hammer and Amicus films of the 60s and 70s. Yet those real horror snobs know Naschy quite well for his varied career playing monsters. He’s also got a fairly recognizable leap he created for when he’s all wolfed out and jumping and attacking people.
From the 50-pack Legends of Horror DVD set, our synopsis is as follows: “A werewolf is brought back to life and then heads off to the countryside in search of a safe haven and also prey. Two unsuspecting girls have their car break down while in search of a legendary vampire queen’s tomb. When finding refuge in the castle of the revived werewolf, they all uncover the vampire’s final resting place and unleash her from her sleep.”
I like just about everything in that synopsis. Of course it’s two unsuspecting girls that get caught up in this because, of course, their car breaks down. Why are they looking for the vampire queen’s tomb? Who fucking cares and stop asking questions, asshole.
Off the top, it should be stated that the events of this movie continues directly from the end of the previous film, Fury of the Wolfman. So, after he went off on a killing rampage in that movie, he was killed by way of silver bullets. He is being checked over by two doctors. One doesn’t believe Waldemar is a werewolf, so to prove it, he takes out the silver bullets used to kill him to show he won’t come back to life. Like a dumbass he does just that leading to Waldemar to revive under the full moon. Waldemar turns into the wolfman and kills both doctors before escaping. As he wanders about in the wild, he comes across a pretty girl whom he chases down because that’s what werewolves do. He tears her dress off and then kills her.
Cut to later when our main lady, Elvira (no shit her name is Elvira). She tells this guy about how she and her friend Genevieve are working on this thesis or something about black magic and how they made a big discovery about this Mistress of Black Magic lady who turns out to have a name very similar to our werewolf guy (Daninsky). Elvira and her incredibly hot ass friend Genevieve head out in search of this village that will contain secrets about this black magic chick. They run into Waldemar who says the village they are looking for is quite far away and that they should stay with him in his house where there is no phone or no electricity. That doesn’t seem weird at all. Ah, fuck it, let’s just stay here with this stranger since we are two young college girls. No biggie.
When Elvira tells Waldemar who they are looking for, he gets a little weird. You know, so unlike what you’d expect from a guy who invites two college girls to his home in the middle of nowhere with no electricity or phone. That night, Genevieve comes out from the shower dressed in a ridiculously overly sexy nightie. I mean, seriously. Yes, I could see having something with that same kind of shape and general design but that is fuck-wear. That is not something you wear for your general sleeping needs when seeking out a deserted village. Unless… Genevieve is simply meant to be our sexy girl that we cannot wait until she’s turned into an even sexier vampire.
Hmmm… Gimme a chance to study Genevieve’s assets a little further and I’ll get back to you on that.
Elvira is starting to question some things about Weldemar. She’s noticed some things about how the table was set at their dinner or how upset he got when the witchy lady was brought up. Genevieve is not as suspicious. After Gen goes to sleep, Elvira sees a strange, babbling woman wander into their room and initially tries to strangle Elvira before copping a feel on dem tittaes. Waldemar appears and explains the lady is his sister. Elvira just says she got scared a little bit and everything is just fine now that Waldemar is here. She changed her mind awfully fast.
The next morning, Waldemar and Elvira discuss how his sister got crazy, but she’s mostly harmless, except for the strangling and shit. Gen explores more of Waldemar’s grounds. She finds a shack that has some shackles on the wall with blood around it. Waldemar’s sister jumps out and suddenly attacks Gen and nearly kills her. While Elvira tends to her wounds, Genevieve is now the one who’s grown suspicious of Waldemar and Elvira is being overly trusting. Quite a reversal of roles in the last 12 or so hours. Maybe Gen isn’t just the sexy one. Maybe she’s the smart one too.
Waldemar helps Elvira and Gen with finding the tomb of the witch lady. I guess they find the tomb at a “crossing” which was a common place for people who had committed suicide or were practitioners of witchcraft. They read a warning about not disturbing the tomb, but they open it anyway. Gen and Waldemar open the coffin to make sure she is in side. Elvira wants nothing to do with that beeswax, but Gen wants to open it to take pictures so they can become famous! Like a goddamn idiot, Gen removes the cross from the witch lady’s heart. When it cuts her, Gen’s blood falls into the corpse’s mouth. Gen talks about how removing the cross should bring her back to life and the “breath that will bring the life will be red” like her blood. What they fuck do you want to test the legend?!?
Elvira, hanging out in the ruins of a chapel runs afoul of a hooded figure that looks like some sort of zombie guy. Waldemar saves her just in time to stab the guy in the hood with the cross. Neither of them seem all that weirded out by the fact that there is a hooded zombie guy roaming about. Meh whatever.
That night, the witchy lady crawls out of her grave. Back at Waldemar’s Gen teases Elvira about how she seems to like Waldemar more than her boyfriend back in town. Gen tells Elvira that she has to pray in hopes to save them from all the weirdness they’ve seen. When Gen goes to get a drink of water, the witch lady calls to her and she walks outside and sits down by the witch who drinks from the would Gen suffered earlier before biting her on the neck. Waldemar’s crazy sister sees this stuff happening but doesn’t get to tell anyone what happened because when Elvira goes looking for Gen, she finds the sister’s corpse.
When she does find Gen, she can’t help to find something different about her. She uses some vampy powers to tell Elvira that she’s happy and she should come with her so she could know what real pleasure is. Yeah, that sounds pretty hot. Too bad Waldemar comes along with a cross to scare her off. I was really looking forward to where this was all headed.
After, that’s when Waldemar says he shouldn’t have opened that coffin to let the Mistress Witch out. No shit, dude? Now you are saying that shouldn’t have happened? Are you kidding me? Elvira loves you with all her heart (she says so succinctly). Never mind her best friend, and a potential lesbian lover for this European movie that should have jumped at that opportunity, has turned into a monster. Nah, I guess we shouldn’t have opened that. Let’s just torch everything and run away together.
Okay, so they have to stop Gen and the Mistress Witch lady because this particular event is coming that if it comes to pass and this lady is still out and about, Satan will take over and vampires will rule the world. O-kay…?
Waldemar has a guy drive Elvira to town to tell the police that vampires are about to take over the world. Then Old Mark Hamill drives Elvira and starts rambling about how a werewolf has killed some girl and he’s been kind of suspected and how Elvira has beautiful, long red hair that she should never cut. That’s weird, man. Stop being a creep.
Out in Waldemar’s backyard, he stakes his sister and cuts her head off so he can bury her without her coming back as a vampire. Gen and Main vampire lady lay a trap for Elvira and the driver and they try to attack but are scared off with the cross. That night, Waldemar says it’s a full moon tonight and tries to get Elvira to sleep in a more secured place. He also refuses to stay with her to help protect her. When the moon comes out, so does the werewolf. Say whatever you want about this movie, but it’s not a bad transformation. It’s cleverly edited and well acted, as I should hope since Naschy has become pretty famous for being a werewolf. If he didn’t know how to act like he’s changing into one, I guess he wouldn’t have done twelve of these (plus four more werewolf movies to boot). The movie’s too dark to see what’s happening but I think he kills a guy.
Back inside, Elvira falls asleep and drops her guard which gives our vamps a chance to come in, and slice her throat open to get some of that sweet, young, virgin blood. They drink a little out of a chalice and then dance around happy. What do they have to worry about? Their titular rival is nowhere to be seen to fight them off.
And goddammit. This is Werewolf Vs. the Vampire Woman. It has even less werewolf battling a vampire woman than Batman V. Superman had Superman fighting Batman. This is kinda pissing me off here. Oh, and don’t get me wrong, I’m all for whatever Gen’s got going on, even if she does have some pretty pointy teeth that prick my lip when we’re making out. I’m still on fucking board. But I wanna see a monster fight. I’m not even really seeing much by way of tits. European horror flicks of the early 70s, particularly vampire movies, were not shy with that stuff. Why is this one being weird about it? Gimme some boobs while I have to wait for the title of the movie to happen.
The next day, Waldemar returns to Elvira with his clothes all messed up. He tells her about his little hair problem when the full moon is out. I wish I had that kind of an excuse. Sadly, I don’t. I’m simply a hairy dude.
Elvira agrees to help Waldemar with his werewolf issues. That night, Gen slips into Elvira’s bedroom and surprises Elvira enough to force her to toss her little robe over the cross. This allows Gen to hypnotize Elvira a little bit and finally I get a little bit of what I’ve been looking for for the past 45 fucking minutes – little lady on lady action… sorta… kinda.
So Waldemar finds out that Elvira has been bitten. When Gen tries her powers out on him, he plays along until he approaches her and they fight. He pushes Gen onto a wooden thing or something and kills her. That motherfucker killed my girlfriend for this movie. However, in doing so, it frees Elvira from becoming a vampire. So it’s kinda playing that whole idea out that if you kill the vampire that bit you, you will not be a vampire – or at least won’t become one.
Mr. Diminsky? I have a question…
Isn’t that your new love’s friend? Isn’t she probably going to want her friend to still be alive and shit? I mean they were sexy college co-ed friends. They had AT LEAST two more photoshoots to do for either Twisty’s or possibly even We Live Together or even possibly Brazzers. Those contracts don’t fulfill themselves, dude. Why didn’t you focus your attentions on killing main vampire lady? Wouldn’t that have saved both of them? I… don’t think you’re a very good hero.
Or I’m just pissed you killed Genevieve.
It’s probably that second thing.
I’m pretty upset about that.
Witchy-Poo watches her little Genevieve get staked, but has to run back to her coffin because the sun’s coming up fast. The next day Waldemar tells Elvira everything is better now that she’s going to be safe from the bite she got. When he tells her that Genevieve is dead, she seems more upset about being attacked than that of her friend being dead. Although there is that one gleam that flickers as she then realizes that she’s not going to be getting that Porn Fidelity shoot now that her sexy co-ed friend is dead.
I would like to point out at this juncture that the look of our main villainess, Countess Wandessa, is a look that is 1) kinda cool, 2) something that has some fame among horror fans, and 3) is a look that gets repeated in these Waldemar Diminsky movies. In fact, it’s a look used for a much later movie that features Elizabeth Bathory as the main villain. How’s that? Yet another vampire movie here on B-Movie Enema that deals with Countess Bathory. That’s becoming a real theme here. Anyway, this black flowing gown with the big, black, veiled hat is almost like a more evil nun’s outfit. It’s a good look.
Now, in the last few minutes of this movie, Waldemar has piled up deaths. He’s killed Genevieve, and Elvira’s old boyfriend (who is a police inspector) is in town and casting some suspicion onto him. Not only that, but as a werewolf, he’s killed that one girl at the beginning, and that guy he had drive Elvira to town because he flipped out and tried to kidnap and rape Elvira. When he’s confronted by the boyfriend/husband of the first girl killed, the altercation results in the guy stabbing himself. As they try to get away, our evil witch stops them and attacks. He tries to shoot her, but duh, that doesn’t work. She takes both Elvira and the dude prisoner and chain them up in her little hangout. She tells them they will be Satan’s slaves this time tomorrow and there’s nothing Waldemar can do to save them.
A shadowy monster walks into the hideout and it’s supposed to be Satan, but the budget just doesn’t have enough money to show him. Waldemar frees Elvira who frees her boyfriend, Inspector WhatsHisButt. Waldemar then turns into a werewolf and just tosses some stuff around the Countess’ lair, just to be a dick. They fight, as promised, but as I said before, Batman and Superman fought more than these two title monsters. How do I know this? Because this fight started with a full four minutes to go before the end. Within just a couple minutes, Waldemar overpowers our sexy vampire lady and bites her throat out…? She melts into a pile of goo and maggots. I guess that also stops Satan. To finish off Waldemar, Elvira stabs him with the silver cross. She says he’s free forever and I guess because she loved him truly, his curse could be lifted.
Joke’s on everyone though. This is only the fourth movie in this series. There’s like eight more to go.
Overall, this is not a bad movie if you can look at it from the perspective that Europe was churning out lots and lots of these types of movies – particularly vampire movies. They were all pretty much ripped off of the successful Hammer Horror Dracula series with Christopher Lee. Lots of attempts at Gothic imagery. Lots of beautiful women turned into sexy vampires or demonic monsters. So on and so forth. This movie though, had a little heart to it. It doesn’t quite feel like some of the Italian and German horror films from the era that just tried to show tits and blood.
Speaking of Hammer Dracula and Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, our final entry in this month’s Vampire Shock-O-Rama at B-Movie Enema is Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride. Which is also known as The Satanic Rites of Dracula. Most importantly, though, it is the final time Christopher Lee played Dracula for Hammer Films. Come back to learn more next week!