Well, because the sweet embrace of death didn’t come to pass last week, I guess I have to continue Full Moon Fever. At least there’s a chick in her bra and panties on the cover of this week’s movie!
Er… I mean. That had zero bearing on me choosing this movie – Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt. No, that was the $2.95 price tag at the local Dollar General.
And the promise of tits. Lots and lots of tits.
This is yet another Charles Band joint. Remember, he’s the head honcho over at Full Moon Features. And since I’ve yet to cover a movie this month that wasn’t made by him (or his father, Albert), I’m beginning to think he’s the only employee of the studio.
What actually makes this movie interesting is that it is a sequel to a 1999 David DeCoteau film (directed under one of his pseudonyms, Richard Chasen) that was about an evil scientist that brought a killer eye monster thing from another dimension over to our world. Here, it learned all about human sexuality. It is most an eye on a giant tentacle. I think you know what that means – that tentacle fucks a girl in the movie. Not to be outdone, there are lots of shirtless guys and bulging cocks too. So there’s a little bit of everything for everyone because I believe David DeCoteau, being a gay man, really loves to thrust all the sex into your face. Anyway, the killer eye went back to his dimension but not before knocking up a few girls.
Now, a dozen years later, we’re given its sequel, Halloween Haunt, which exclaims “Five Hot Chicks! One Killer Eye!” on the back of the box. It also tells us the synopsis: “When Jenna asks her four hot girlfriends to help convert an old mansion into a Halloween Haunt, they decide to party instead! Things get steamy between the girls, until they accidentally unless the half-pint, horrible Killer Eye, a perverse party crasher from beyond. Bent on having his way, the Killer Eye will stop at nothing until he gets exactly what he wants.”
Five hot girls who get steamy together at a party? I’ll be the judge of that. Let’s do this…
Right out of the gate, we watch as a hot blonde is getting chased by something that appears to have a point of view shot from near the floor. She’s cornered and the screen goes black. 65 minutes earlier, the girl is taking stock of her booze in her Halloween-decorated place. Three girls come to the door. Two of them talk about how much partying they are going to do and how they can’t wait to roll a fat blunt.
Do white girls talk like that? Doesn’t matter, they’re fucking hot…
Jenna, the main girl from the very beginning, asks her friends (pictured above) to help her decorate instead of having a party with guys and pre-marital sex. This is because her mom got called away blah blah blah. I’m a little more distracted by the way they talk. One girl, Rocky, is sad because she wore her fuck-me heels for nothing. Another, Cat, says they can still be put to good use because she’s a lesbian. The other says she doesn’t swing that way and never will. I guess you can never underestimate Charles Band’s ability to write expository writing. Girl 1 is lesbian and Girl 2 doesn’t swing that way. Instead of writing scenes to explain this, we’ll just say it.
Fuck it, they are hot, keep it going.
Jenna hands out these masks that, I guess, her mom had somewhere in an attic. They put them on – because why not? Cat and Kiana dance to some generic hip hop music. A weird crystal ball next to some crazy tarot cards starts watching our school girl dance. Kiana also seemingly is acting weird now too as she watches Rocky and Cat talking while seductively licking her lollipop. But, don’t worry, it’s not explained at all ever and never is it actually brought up again.
They find a bunch of stuff that are like scary masks, crazy animatronic monster things, and what have you. I have no idea who normally has this sort of shit. Definitely Jenna and her mom are big on Halloween, but they are heavily slanting that Jenna’s mom is a witch. Why does that matter? Jenna and her mom talk about the crystal ball knowing and seeing all and it will tell her if something isn’t quite right… Why is that part of this movie? Why isn’t the Killer Eye just doing his thing by landing on this planet and taking over? Why are we going down that path?
Oh, whatever… Just have Kiana go tits out and have her jiggle them at the camera.
Rocky finds a box with the Killer Eye prop and the DVD OF THE ORIGINAL MOVIE. They also make referential jokes about how the first movie was more of a “dick flick” instead of a chick flick. They also reference Evil Bong. They decide to watch the first movie. We spend a few minutes of this movie watching the girls watch the other movie. They make a bunch of jokes about the movie which are not funny.
Seriously, come on guys… This is a 70-minute movie, and I’m guessing, like last week’s movie, it will barely make 60 and call it quits before giving us 10 FULL minutes of credits. Oh fuck it, make the girls dance and grind against each other, that’ll get us back on track…
When the girls go off to do other shit – frankly, I’m not sure what happened to cause them to pause the movie – the crystal ball makes the Killer Eye prop come to life. Later, in case you were wondering the back of the box said there are five hot chicks, but only four have shown up, that’s because Jenna didn’t initially invite Giselle. She crashes the party by climbing into a window Most of the time, you probably would think the girl that is described as a bitch by a couple characters and doesn’t get along with our main girl, who is kinda wholesome compared to the others, would be the first to be killed. Conventional horror movie wisdom has told us this for decades. But you’ve got a surprise coming…
Rocky returns to the movie to watch the rest of it because you cannot not finish The Killer Eye once you start it. Rocky is also big time into the movie. She almost seems turned on by it. She also thinks it’s a “great” movie. I think Rocky and I would have a shit ton of glorious, dirty, messy sex – especially after watching some shitty movies. However, I suspect Rocky would also not appreciate the tone I take with some of these movies. Rocky and I have a complicated relationship – especially because I can’t stop thinking about Kiana. It’s a whole thing. We’re working through it.
After Rocky and Kiana find Giselle, Rocky shows off the work they did on the house. She also has Giselle go and talk to Jenna and asks her to not make it dramatic because she wasn’t invited. Who cares about this? We’re halfway into this turd and we’ve mostly just watched another movie…
Kiana goes searching for a lollipop (because she mentions having a massive oral fixation), and finds a giant lollipop. The Killer Eye hypnotizes her to perform a striptease (thank you again, movie), So, Lauren Furs (for real that’s the name of the actress playing the school girl) pops her titties out again for us all to marvel at. She kinda gets the feeling things aren’t quite right, and snaps out of her trance. When she does that, the Killer Eye just kills her.
At first if you don’t succeed, just kill the bitch.
Elsewhere, Cat, the horniest lesbian ever, is flirting with Jenna. However, I have to say that Jenna is being a bit of a tease because she commented on how hot Cat was in this dress she put on. Fuck it… The Killer Eye comes in, hypnotizes Jenna to make out with Cat, and we’re right back on track again. Fuck any dialog from here on out, okay, movie? Just have the Killer Eye come in and make these bitches do hot shit with themselves or to one another. Their makeout session is interrupted by Giselle. Jenna doesn’t really know what is going on, and gets dressed to go downstairs for a drink. Cat stays behind and gets into bed.
Later, Cat has fallen asleep and the Killer Eye goes on the prowl. It climbs into bed with Cat. When she wakes up to find it between her legs, it kills her. It was all like, “Nah, I don’t want to control a chick who isn’t into dick, man… I’ll just kill her.” Or maybe it was like, “Oh shit! Sorry! I didn’t meant to melt your body or nothin’. Gosh, I’m really sorry…”
No one hears Cat’s screams of agony. They are all just doing their thing. Also, in the kitchen, Jenna doesn’t see all the blood and broken bits of lollipops from Kiana being killed. In the living room, Giselle gets hit with the Killer Eye’s powers and her clothes disappear. The Eye has also possessed her mind as well. She tells Rocky and Jenna there’s nothing wrong with her when they ask what’s up. She takes off her bra and offers to help calm Rocky down. She starts talking about how the Eye is learning about this world and what it can do and what it wants. Also, she warns that if they don’t do what the Eye wants, it will kill them. Rocky decides she’s going to take matters into her own hands and kill it when it appears in the room in front of them.
This doesn’t go over well as it just straight up kills Rocky. How, I’m not sure. She gets hit by the Eye’s green mojo stuff and then she falls over with blood splattering all over Jenna. Jenna runs away… Not to escape, or get help, or just simply hide. No, she escapes to run to the kitchen to clean herself up. When Giselle tries to rape Jenna, she slaps the possessed girl. Giselle wakes up from the trance, but immediately falls back under the Eye’s control when she looks at the TV in the next room. Jenna snaps Giselle out of the trance again. There really wasn’t a script here to work with, was there?
Jenna then goes upstairs to get Cat, but finds a big bloody spot in the bed. The Eye is waiting for her, but can’t use its powers on Jenna because she’s covered her face with her father’s welding mask. In the kitchen, Giselle is waiting for Jenna to return. Rocky enters looking a bit odd. She tells Giselle nothing happened to her in the next room earlier. She also asks if she would like to fuck her… just a little.
How come no one ever asks me what I’d like to do?
Okay, so Rocky, speaking for the Eye, tells Giselle it wants to procreate with the girls. If that was the case, how come it killed three girls? That seems… unproductive (no pun intended).
Jenna comes downstairs and sees Rocky. Rocky tells Jenna to drop the welder’s mask. She eventually knocks it out of her hand and tries to force her to look at the image of the Eye on the TV screen. In the kitchen, a reanimated Cat tries to distract Giselle so the Eye can either kill her or take control of her or something. She uses a mirror to reflect the power back into the zombie Cat and kill her (again). Elsewhere, Jenna is met by the Eye, again, and she tries to run away as seen in the first part of the movie. When Jenna tries to open the door to escape, Giselle is there with the welder’s mask and smashes the Eye ending the nightmare. So, the girl who was described as a bitch saves the day.
Oh, and the movie ends at one hour exactly. That means that there will be an unbelievable amount of time left to the credits for a movie that only featured five actresses, and two voices (one for Jenna’s mom on the phone, and the other for the crystal ball itself). I’m not mad about it, mind you. I’m actually in awe that these short little ditties from Full Moon can support such long credits.
I can say, though, that this is unequivocally much better than The Gingerdead Man. This movie looks like fucking Dances With Wolves compared to that one. The five girls are, as promised, hot as shit. We got some good girl-on-girl making out with Jenna getting all sexy with Cat while under the Eye’s control. I would have thought there would be more boobs all things considered, but Lauren Furs (*snicker*) and Olivia Alexander (who played Giselle) definitely get the job done. Also, I gotta say, I was in favor of slightly more pale, bloodied Rocky. That was hot. I don’t know what it says about me, but I know what I like.
Alright, I suppose I should put a bow on this week and wrap things up. Thankfully, next week will be the end of Full Moon Fever here at B-Movie Enema. I pondered if I should even do the movie that I’ve picked because it is retroactively now part of the Full Moon Features library, but fuck you all, this is my blog, and these last two weeks have been a bit of a struggle. With that said, I’ll be back next week for the final installment of Full Moon Fever – the 1984 classic Trancers.