Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (1976)

Ilsa She-Wolf of SSeptember soldiers on with another installment in Dyanne Thorne’s ruthless, big-tittied, dominatrix title character’s filmography.

This time, she’s a harem keeper.  A harem keeper of the oil sheiks.

I know what you’re thinking though…  “Geoff, I read your B-Movie Enema blog loyally every goddamned week.  I thought Ilsa died at the end of her first movie?  What the fuck gives you pencil dick fuck nugget?”  (Yes, I know that is exactly what you, my dear readers, say about me.)  

So here’s the deal, ya ass-monkeys.  That did happen.  Ilsa of the Nazi Germany Army whatever did get her head completely and totally blown the fuck off by that one little prick army dude.  This is true.  However, she’s not that this time around.  No sir.  She is no longer a Nazi character.  She’s still a ball-breakin’, evil-hearted, sexy-ass bitch, but she’s trading her goose-stepping for the warmer climates of the Middle East.

But we’ll make sure that she still looks like a fucking Nazi on that poster so all the weirdos will come in and beat off to it.

Speaking of…  I think I should just dive right in.  I wanna see some boobs.  It was a long day.

And this time there’s a little chocolate for those milky white thighs of hers.

So this movie opens up with a helicopter moving through the desert, so we already should expect this to be present day Middle East – or possibly just like someplace in Arizona.  It drops the crates it was towing next to some Arab guys with guns and jeeps and shit.  They load the crates up and take it to a glamorous palace.  As they unload the crates, our very enticing lead antagonist, and title character, comes to look on.

Inside, Ilsa takes the time to look over the contents of the crates (the crates contain kidnapped ladies) and also make sure that we understand who’s who.  This is already an improvement over the last film as I couldn’t keep nobody straight anyhow.  Seriously, I kept calling one girl “the hot one”.  I… I just didn’t know their names.  Here, I know that in one crate is Holly, an heiress to an American retail store magnate.  The next is Inga, an actress dubbed the next “Scandinavian love goddess” (aka porn star).  The final crate contains Alina, an Asian/European equestrian champion.

Ilsa keeps the harem of El Sharif.  He’s your typical super wealthy Middle Eastern man what with his personal sex slave who gives him topless massages and stuff.  Yes, I do honestly believe the typical super wealthy Middle Eastern man has a personal sex slave who gives him topless massages and stuff.  Anyway, he’s expecting a very important guest – a big shot oil businessman, Dr. Kaiser, and his accompanying Naval officer man.

Ilsa has her new arrivals awoken and put into cages.  There, she tells them how they are now part of the harem.  One of them makes the point that these girls are not exactly low profile chicks.  She only says it will only seem as though they disappeared without a trace.  I mean, okay.  But still…  That’s what all kidnappings are at first.  People eventually figure some shit out, ya know?

Turns out the naval guy traveling with the oil dude is some sort of secret agent named Adam Scott – which now makes me think he’s just going to be snarky through this whole thing.  Adam doesn’t think there’s any possible way they know who he is, but it immediately cuts to Ilsa talking to El Sharif about how they know exactly who he is.  However, as the movie starts to dangerously slide into intrigue and an actual plot, it’s time to watch a criminal oil wrestle Ilsa’s two black lady assistants.

Sure.

I think it goes without saying those bitches kick the fuck out of that guy.  As their victory blow, they literally rip his dick off.  After their battle, the girls come inside to check out the training of the harem slaves with Ilsa.  They suggest to Ilsa that they should kidnap a guy for her in the next shipment, but she vehemently declines saying that no man coming to her will be dragged to her, but come to her freely.

During the training, um… montage…? the girls are shown to be learning the art of massage, licking, licking beaver, and force fed to fatten them up.  Apparently, that last bit about them getting fattened up is a legit demand in the white slavery market.  I guess those Arab guys really want fat white chicks that are super sloppy eaters with shit all over their faces.

This movie is absolutely breaking barriers about previously-held stereotypes.

Last movie had Ilsa torture “the hot one” to the point that she barely had flesh on her body and was missing an eye.  In this one, she is forcing girls to eat, getting off on a girl having a fucked up ear fixed, as well as a girl getting silicon injected into her to make her look less skinny.  Another girl has nasty ass scars under her boobs.

Adam Scott has an inside girl, a belly dancer who has a microphone hidden in a gem in her belly button that is being used to spy on Ilsa and El Sharif.  He boasts how she won’t be caught, but, just like how they know nothing of him but also knows everything about him, his inside girl is found out.

But not before there being a big time auction for some hot new harem girls!

I kinda feel like this movie sets back pretty much all the social equality of all kinds of people.  I mean there are girls being bought for their vaginas.  One girl is really limber put before being taken home by her new master, he has her teeth removed.  There’s a muscular black guy to buy.  There’s a fucking little guy working the crowd.  All these Arab men are like dogs salivating over steak.

As I mentioned, James Not-So-Bond has his inside girl caught when Ilsa’s two lieutenants find her listening to what she recorded the night before.  So, naturally, it’s time for Ilsa to torture her for some information.  So let’s get out the camel tail whip and go to town!  However, she gets it really, really, really bad.  Realizing that this belly dancer has some fucking giant titties, Ilsa pulls out a press and threatens to squish ’em unless she tells the truth.  Additionally, if she still doesn’t want to talk despite the booby masher getting tighter, Ilsa threatens to let some ants go to town on her feet.  While the ants go on a lunch break, Ilsa brings the Scandinavian love goddess to El Sharif to… I dunno… play backgammon…?  That’s what adults do when they really like each other right?

Sure.

After being tortured, the dancer gives up the goods.  Ilsa tells El Sharif about the plot to kill him.  He tells her that Kaiser and Scott need to be taught a lesson.  And hey!  After nearly half the movie, Kaiser and Scott finally arrive at El Sharif’s palace!  The movie kept bouncing back and forth between Ilsa’s shenanigans and their talk about bringing El Sharif down.  I’m glad to finally have everyone in the same goddamn place.  El Sharif promises a grand banquet for his guests which means Ilsa needs to make sure she’s wearing her most bonkers, bonerific outfit she has in the closet.

She decides to tease Adam Scott by coming into the banquet with two greyhounds and then going right up to him and basically tell him his ding dong is definitely looking for her fruit pie.  That basically works because when El Sharif shows off how he deals with people who do him wrong by having a servant’s hand cut off for stealing a small item, Ilsa and Adam are nice and snuggled up to each other.  Like any good first date, they watch that one guy’s hand get cut off, his buddy get fed an eyeball (which we later learn is one of the belly dancer’s eyes), and watch her two black lieutenants basically fuck each other.  The night ends with him ripping the front of her dress, refusing to leave her room after getting slapped for ripping said dress, pushing her onto the bed, pulls a knife on her, and then they fuck.

So…  You’re telling me, movie, that I need to buy a knife to pick up girls?  Huh.  Who knew?

In Kaiser’s room, El Sharif sends a little boy servant to “serve” him.  At the banquet, El Sharif offered Kaiser any woman he wanted for the night, but Kaiser declined stating he was married.  El Sharif took that to mean he must have been some sort of pansy pillow biter, and sent him a boy.  Ay ay ay…  I hate to say it, but I kinda miss the Nazy death camp from the last one.

Anyway, the boy begs to stay with Kaiser because he says El Sharif will cut off his head if he is sent away.  Adam and Ilsa spend a wonderful night together.  The next morning, Kaiser prepares to leave, and the boy’s underwear is on his bed so…  Did he just fuck that boy?  Whatever.  Adam says he plans on staying behind and looking for further evidence against Ilsa and El Sharif.

In the doctor’s operating room, Ilsa shows El Sharif a new invention – an explosive diaphragm that will detonate with penetration.  She puts it in the belly dancer spy’s uterus and uses a mechadildo on her to explode it.  This poor girl is finally put out of her misery.  She had her boobs squished, one of her feet eaten off by ants, an eye removed…  Jeez Adam Scott, you’re a fucking asshole for making her your spy.

I’m a fan of dat aaaaaasss.

Isla puts one of those vagi-bombs into El Sharif’s favorite slave girl.  He plans to send the slave to his rival sheikh to assassinate him.  El Sharif asks about Adam.  Ilsa says he amuses her, but El Sharif wants him disposed of as soon as possible.  She lies and says she’s already growing tired of him.  While fucking the holy living hell out of Adam, she admits that she likes him a little more than she probably should.

Meanwhile, creeping around the palace, an assassin attempts to kill El Sharif, but accidentally shoots the American department store heiress.  As punishment, El Sharif has his soldiers coat the assassin in oil and throw lit matches on him until he bursts into flames.  The first movie had a bitchin’ head explosion scene, and this one has a pretty good man in a fire suit effect.

El Sharif has finally had enough of Adam.  He orders Ilsa to kill him before morning.  She tells Adam because she is actually in love with him.  When morning comes, El Sharif takes them both prisoner.  Looks like there some sort of situation with a tarantula for Adam.  For Ilsa, there’s a gross, diseased beggar going down on her.  This is fairly, um… gross?  I mean the spider thing is terrible what with all my arachnophobia and shit, but the beggar eating Ilsa out was even terrible-er.

Ilsa sends her naked Nubian goddesses out to subdue the guards and arm the slaves for a coup.  Ilsa gets to Adam just in time to kill the spider (I believe there was an actual spider killed on film – fuck that spider, but maybe don’t kill it in a close up on camera?).  An all out civil war breaks out and Ilsa shows Adam this captured nephew of El Sharif that can rule once the coup is complete.

It’s fucking bedlam…  Harem girls and eunuchs are fighting and shooting and blowing up El Sharif’s men.  There are ‘splosions.  There are slow mo shots of guys falling over with blood spraying from their lips.  The two black lieutenants are just going around in fucking thongs.  When one is killed, the other lieutenant goes bonkers and ultimately is also killed.  It’s a goddamn madhouse.

Finally, Ilsa captures El Sharif.  She ties El Sharif down and has his favorite harem girl come in to give him one last go round with him before earning her freedom.  Don’t forget that girl has a booby trapped claptrap.  He’s gagged and can’t tell her not to.  So she climbs aboard and starts going to town.  Adam learns what is going on, but arrives too late because they’ve both already gone kablooey!  Adam is fucking pissed that she exacted her own justice on El Sharif and also cost an innocent her life in doing so.  It also turns out that the Prince is no fan of what Ilsa did either.  He did not order his uncle’s death, and would rather keep Adam around to help him instead of Ilsa’s help.  He orders her to a slow, painful death by starvation.  The Prince frees the slaves and sends Adam on his way.

…And thus another happy ending in B-Movie Enema lore.

This one is a bit interesting.  There’s a lot about this movie that is better than the first.  Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS has much more graphic torture and it seems the entire purpose for the movie is to just get from one torture moment to the next.  This one is a bit different.  Here, there is a little more intrigue and stuff going on with El Sharif, the way he rules his people, and how the people are starting to figure out that they have riches buried under them in the form of oil.

On top of that, there is torture and tits, but it doesn’t quite feel like it is escalated as most sequels would do.  Instead, it seems tamer.  It seems as though this was attempting to be more consumable other than upping the ante.  Ilsa isn’t as treacherous as before.  She quickly falls for Adam Scott and basically turns on a dime.  From start to finish last time, she was a total monster.  Yeah, she liked it when that one guy would control his orgasm so she could get off, but you still kind of feel like she would have killed him first if given the opportunity.

The gore in the last movie was much higher.  Though I’d say the sexy boobage in this one is better.  El Sharif is a very good villain for this type of movie too.  You could have almost completely cut out the whole Americans trying to depose El Sharif and still had something to work with.  You could have had Ilsa just like one of the soldiers or something and they plot their coup when El Sharif catches them together or some such shit.

It really comes down to what you really want.  Do you want a much more straight forward women in prison flick?  Then Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks is for you.  You want something a little closer to horror with your exploitation with 100% more Nazis?  Then Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS would be what I recommend.

But this Ilsa train doesn’t stop here.  Oh no, we’re only at the halfway point.  Next week’s is a bit of the redheaded stepchild of the series.  In fact, that comparison ain’t too far from the truth because Dyanne Thorne is a redhead in it.  It’s a movie by sexploitation star Jess Franco made not originally to be part of the Ilsa series but re-purposed for the series here in the States.  It was initially known as Wanda, The Wicked Warden as well as Greta, The Mad Butcher, but for our purposes, as well as the copy that I own, it is known as Ilsa, The Wicked Warden.

Come back in 7 days to see just how different yet another women in prison torture movie can be!

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