Frankenstein Created Bikers (2016)

It’s time to return to the world of one Mr. James Bickert.

Last year, I wrote about Amazon Hot Box right here on B-Movie Enema.  Then, earlier this year, I named it one of the best movies I saw in 2018 on the podcast I co-host, Film Seizure.  I promised I’d return to the indie filmmaker and that leads us to this week’s feature about a reanimated outlaw biker being chased by a grenade-tossing femme fatale (among other things I will get to throughout the article) – Frankenstein Created Bikers.

That name alone is freakin’ sweet, ain’t it?  This movie reunites several who participated in Amazon Hot Box.  Not only is it a Jimmy Bickert flick, but it also stars Jett Bryant and the incredibly lovely duo of Tristan Risk and Ellie Church.  But wait!  There’s more!  This movie also features Alison Maier from Space Babes from Outer Space as well as Joe Bob Briggs’ very own mail girl in a very brief scene doin’ her thing, Diana Prince (AKA Darcy).

Let’s not waste another moment or word of this article.  Let’s dive into the happenings and goings on of this movie that has a package that warns:

I do not believe there is anything better than any of that.

Oh, no.  I’m sorry, there is something better than any of that.  Starting movie off with dat ass.

The beauty thumbin’ it is Candy (Ellie Church).  She gets picked up by a van of very upright young kids who are just touring the great United States and smoking tons of pot and drinking lots of Schlitz.  The van pulls over by a lake so the two couples in the back can have some various shenanigans time.  Candy and the van’s driver, Archie, take off for a skinny dip – always appreciated.

Unfortunately, this is some seriously karmic shit because just as soon as the poor bastard sees Candy full frontal, he’s killed by a monster dude in the lake.  The creature takes off after Candy who runs back to the van where the monster basically tears everyone apart.  Candy hides under the van until the creature is ultimately killed by a gang of bikers led by Jett Bryant.

They take apart the creature easily, but he makes no bones about what he plans to do with Candy along with his fellow gang members.

Later, at a bar, one of my most favorite things that I’ve seen in a movie in some time happens.  A bunch of old timer war vets and bikers are watching burlesque and strip shows.  The first girl who comes out does like a fire dance, but to blow out the torches, she queefs on them while an old fart yells at her about not being worth his, how should I put this, his affections.  You know what they say about the simple things in life, right?  Anyway, the next act to come out is Joe Bob Briggs’ mail girl herself, Diana Prince.

However, more important shit is going on.  The main old dude has a daughter who just got out of jail, Val.  Val, much like she is in Amazon Hot Box, is played by the ever lovely Tristan Risk.  It turns out that Val and her daddy have the same bone to pick with Jett’s biker gang.  Pops has hired three of the most dangerous killers in the south – Amber Joe, an angry tranny, Reverend Chainsaw who looks kind of normal. and Willie the Stump, a tracker who ran into some trouble with some gators.

Val decides to see who else around the bar would be useful for her revenge plot.  Pops trudges up some other ornery folk.  To help get her plan underway, she ends up killing her father and tells the two men and two topless, Nixon mask-wearin’ dancers that they work for her now.

Jett’s gang brings the creature to a secret hide out where an Austrian man named Klaus is working with a mad scientist named Dr. Marco.  Apparently, Marco works on various creations.  The bikers all require shots to remain sustained.  Now that Marco can work on the creature again, they should soon be free from the need of having those daily shots.

The basics around the Impalers, Jett’s gang, is that they are infected by a pathogen that the injections help keep at bay.  Without the injections, they will only get more aggressive.  We learn Candy is being kept in a dungeon by Klaus and Marco.  Klaus explains to her that she will soon be given a brand new purpose in life and how she will be revered as the queen of reanimation.

We also learn that a sheriff is also looking for the Impalers too.  His brother was killed by the gang.  After he takes off for a ride, and Val kills the remaining cops checking out the crime scene left behind the creature and the bikers from the beginning, her gang captures Klaus who hires them to rid the world of the Impalers.  Thanks to the info Klaus gives her, Val sends some of her topless ladies to the hideout where the gang is hanging out and opens fire.  Unfortunately, it does nothing and Jett basically wipes out a good number of the initial assault team.

We also learn exactly what is going on with the Impalers.  They are more, or less, undead.  The injections are keeping them from fully going into zombie mode.  They are rotting, but can’t die.  They can’t be shot or killed by the usual ways.  It’s helped them wipe out the first several dozen of people who came after them.  Jett also learns about all the various people after him – the gangs, the fuzz, and Val.

What’s interesting, Frankenstein Created Bikers is relatively epic in scope.  I really don’t mean to keep comparing it to Amazon Hot Box, but whereas that was a relatively simple and straightforward homage to women in prison flicks, this one is more than a simple take on the biker sub-genre of 70s exploitation.  It’s a thick script full of lots of lines and loaded with plot.  While it most definitely borrows from those biker films, it also uses all those weird Frankenstein movies (I mean, no duh, it is in the title), but even borrows from older sci-fi ideas like The Brain that Wouldn’t Die as we learn that Marco is trying to get a new body for his daughter – who is simply a head in a pan on a lab table.

My point is this movie is dense, but well constructed.  It isn’t simply throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what can be crammed into the movie.

What we basically learn is that just about everyone knows everyone here and everyone has an angle they are trying to play – whether it be revenge or to gain freedom.  Just as much as pretty much everyone wants Jett dead, he wants his freedom from the undead shit he’s dealing with from Marco.  Marco’s daughter also wants her freedom because she’s trapped by his obsession with ghastly science experimentation.  Additionally, Candy, in an attempt to escape the bondage Klaus has her in, escapes into a maze that turns into an utter nightmare of torture chambers, weirdos who have stillborn babies, and so forth.

Marco reveals that when he used the serum on himself, it reacted to his live flesh differently than the dead flesh he’s used it on previously.  He’s going through some sort of metamorphosis.  It’s why his face is all half hamburgered.  After he sewed his daughter’s head onto a new body, he retires for rest, but Klaus explains he’s tranquilized him so he can steal the serum and find out if there is a big payday for him.

While Klaus is trying to do away with Dr. Marco, Val and some of her gang has made it into the hideout to get her revenge.  Two of the Impalers are her brothers and she tells them that she finished what they couldn’t in killing their pops, but… Well, he’s not dead.  As they explain, he keeps coming back and, sure enough, that’s the case until he comes across the other two gang members who shoot him a few times and run him over with his own car.  Inside the prison, Val uses her “special” connection with one of her brothers to separate the two bros.  They go off to have some good ol’ incest, but the beast from the beginning of the movie awakens to kill the poor bastard left behind while Val gets skull-fucked by brother Randall.

Yeah, it can’t even be normal incest.

The sheriff learns where Jett is hiding out thanks to a couple of his gang, Spider and Jimbo, get caught at a store.  The sheriff heads out and asks everyone to watch after them while he goes check out the secret lair.  Unfortunately for Spider and Jimbo, Reverend Chainsaw shows up to chop them up.  However, thanks to them thinking quickly to escape and kill everyone in the store – including Reverend Chainsaw by shooting him in the head, and causing him to fall onto his own chainsaw and cutting his head in half, the long way.  Spider, who has been having a big old fashioned existential crisis leaves to go try to kill himself.  He empties his revolver into his head completely obliterating it.

Marco’s daughter, whose name is Edna by the way, now able to move freely again with her new body, tries to free the remaining girls in the dungeon, but Candy attacks with the other imprisoned girl.  She’s forced to kill the one she was trying to set free.  As the sheriff arrives and tries to help Candy, Klaus has completely taken over the operation.  He’s got Val’s gang taking orders from him and he has Marco’s daughter chained up to watch Jett fight what Dr. Marco has turned into – another beast somewhat similar to what Jett had to capture at the beginning of the movie.

So shit hits the fan.  Marco’s daughter has to kill her monster father to save Jett.  The other monster is killing people still.  Candy and the sheriff escape but end up getting into a car where one of Val’s car bombs is set up and die in a fiery explosion.  Val kills the rest of her people before she is shot by Klaus and blows herself up.  Jett and Edna Marco leave while the remaining monster kills Klaus.  Sadly, Edna head is rejecting her new body forcing her to rip her own head off her neck.  Jett takes her head and a case full of cash.

And what better way for this movie to end than for Jett Bryant to get a blow job from a severed head?  Oh, I’ll tell you – tell her that he won’t split what serum they have left and toss that head down a ravine and watch it go splat on a rock.

This is a really difficult movie to write about, honestly.  This movie has a mess of kooky characters and a whole bunch of scenes.  I said earlier this movie had to have a thick script.  The movie is over two hours long with dozens of characters seeing screen time.  You’ve got a cop-killin’ femme fatale, undead bikers, an evil scientist, a back-stabbing henchman, strippers, pussy farts, a guy who shoots himself in the head until he has no head, a guy with a plate in his head that won’t die, a chainsaw wielding preacher, a tranny kung fu artist, a kind of literal Bride of Frankenstein, topless henchladies, a monster, bunch of tits, a girl covered in blood who spends the entire movie wearing only her panties, crazy ladies, a guy in a swastika shirt, a severed head giving, well, head, a guy’s head who gets caved in by a monster stomping on him, a guy’s head cleaved in half by his own chainsaw, and literal skull-fucking.

I didn’t even list everything.  My point is, this movie is bonkers.  But in good ways.  Again, Bickert is very good at taking those sensibilities that are found in exploitation movies – particularly the biker movies of the late 60s to early 70s and ramping up the traits that made those movies almost unbelievable that they were ever actually made and had an audience.  Bickert absolutely knows the proper mix of what works from these old tropes and archetypes.

Also, this movie was edited by:

Goddamn, the name Vincent Dawn has been following me around for the last 6 weeks or so!

Alright, next week, I’m going to discuss one of the most perfect movies ever made.  And coming off this movie with all the boobs and junk, that’s saying a lot.  But this movie has aerobics, jazzercise, and then a Rocky style underdog tale that goes all the way to a thrilling conclusion when our heroine has to take on her chief rival!  It’s a little Canadian movie from 1984 called Heavenly Bodies.  You’re gonna need to know more about this movie.

Trust me, I’m sorta-kinda a doctor… of sorts.

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