Every now and then… Every so often… The stars align and I come across a movie that may be one of the most important films of our time. If it isn’t necessarily one of “the most important” it certainly is one of the most perfect movies ever made.
Pull up a chair kiddies, and let me tell you the tale of 1984’s dance-ercize epic Heavenly Bodies.
And, besides, summer is coming – it’s time to make sure you got your beach bods ready for the sun and fun of the warmer weather! Heavenly Bodies is about Samantha Blair, played by the incredibly cute and likable Cynthia Dale, who is an aerobics instructor at a Canadian fitness club named, well, Heavenly Bodies. She soon finds herself in the battle of her life as she competes against one of the lead instructors at a mega fitness club chain for a spot on a local television workout show. This brings her face-to-face with big wig bullshit and the only way for her to fight and defeat the evils of capitalism is to dance the fuck out of it. Continue reading “Heavenly Bodies (1984)”
It’s time to return to the world of one Mr. James Bickert.
Last year, I wrote about Amazon Hot Box right here on B-Movie Enema. Then, earlier this year, I named it one of the best movies I saw in 2018 on the podcast I co-host, Film Seizure. I promised I’d return to the indie filmmaker and that leads us to this week’s feature about a reanimated outlaw biker being chased by a grenade-tossing femme fatale (among other things I will get to throughout the article) – Frankenstein Created Bikers.
That name alone is freakin’ sweet, ain’t it? This movie reunites several who participated in Amazon Hot Box. Not only is it a Jimmy Bickert flick, but it also stars Jett Bryant and the incredibly lovely duo of Tristan Risk and Ellie Church. But wait! There’s more! This movie also features Alison Maier from Space Babes from Outer Space as well as Joe Bob Briggs’ very own mail girl in a very brief scene doin’ her thing, Diana Prince (AKA Darcy). Continue reading “Frankenstein Created Bikers (2016)”
Let’s get back into some good ol’ fashioned weirdo 80s horror, courtesy of Vinegar Syndrome! I swear, 2019 should just be called “The Year of Vinegar Syndrome” for B-Movie Enema. Looking back and ahead, I’ve got so many VS titles on my calendar, I should start asking for official sponsorship!
This time around, it is the French-produced, shot in Florida Nightmare Weekend from 1985. Apparently, we’ve got ourselves something special here – head explosions, softcore sex, bikers, rollerskating, telepathic puppet… And Dale Midkiff of Pet Sematary fame. Just when I thought I would be all in with weirdo horror movie made in Florida, the weirdo horror movie of a state, you had to toss all the rest of that jazz into it, too? Continue reading “Nightmare Weekend (1985)”
Say… What have we here? Ladies… Allow me to introduce myself to you – I am a dude who makes terrible decisions in the quest to find a good girl. And, shiiit… You are apparently your Mama’s Dirty Girls after all. You are 100% my style.
All that first paragraph was for me to say the following:
OF COURSE I WOULD EVENTUALLY COVER THIS MOVIE.
Continue reading “Mama’s Dirty Girls (1974)”
Back in January I covered Lucio Fulci’s masterpiece in undead horror – Zombie. It’s fitting that I now look at its sequel, Zombie 3.
Wait. Lemme check something. 1. 2. 3… 4. Gotcha. Okay, the math checks out there. What are those titles again?
Zombie… Zombie 3…
Oh, goddammit, it’s Italian. Of course the sequels are all fucked. Continue reading “Zombie 3 (1988)”
Damn you, Vinegar Syndrome…
You release so many movies that I need to not only see, but also write about in near manic volume. This time around, not only do you have me at a movie that I remember seeing constantly at video stores in the 80s and 90s, but you also have me going all in on an anthology flick. This is new levels of villainy, VS.
But not only that, this week’s feature, Night Train to Terror, is infamously known as being among some of the hammiest and worst cinema could possibly offer. What’s curious is that this movie isn’t without some interesting people. There’s B-Movie awesome guy, Cameron Mitchell. That seems pretty solid. I’ve seen lots of his work. There’s also John Phillip Law. He was in Barbarella. Together, Law and Mitchell were in Space Mutiny! How could this possibly be bad? Continue reading “Night Train to Terror (1985)”
After Blue March, I wasn’t exactly sure where to go for the next B-Movie Enema. I mean where do you go after you’ve watched five consecutive pornos from the 70s and 80s? Who or what should I feature that could possibly make you feel a little less sleazy about watching pornos for your movie review site?
Then it hit me – Brad motherfuckin’ Jones.
Yup, the Cinema Snob himself. Shit, that guy has seen waaaaaay more porn that I have. He might even argue that his entire career is owed greatly to the golden age of porn. Jones has made a handful of movies over the years – either as a writer or director or both. I could have looked at several of his credits – the hilarious Jesus, Bro! or some of his smaller budget movies like Disco or Paranoia. Ultimately, there really is only one thing I could possibly choose, the 2012 origin film of his most popular character, The Cinema Snob Movie. Continue reading “The Cinema Snob Movie (2012)”
Okay. Admittedly, last week was a bit of a blunder in my Blue March theme month here at B-Movie Enema. However, can this week’s feature, Oriental Blue, do better? Can it improve upon the cockamamie doody bullfuck that was The Vixens of Kung Fu?
Well… I mean it kinda has to right? Right? Yes, it is made by the same guy, Bill Milling. Yes, it’s Asian-themed. Yes, there seems to be some form of prostitution afoot. But I can say it is a full 15 minutes longer. That has to mean something, right?
Right? Continue reading “Oriental Blue (1975)”