Holy Jesus Fuck, what do we have here?
Why, it’s Warhawk Tanzania starring in Devil’s Express! Where do I start with this one? I mean, everything in the poster looks batshit crazy. There’s a monster guy who has a woman in one hand and a train in the other. We have the not one, but TWO taglines – “50,000 years of Death stalks the subways!!!” and “Take the Express train to TERROR!!!” Both of these are capped with three exclamation points so you know you have to take it seriously.
But no, what I like the most is the kung fu black man on the right side of the poster. Mr. Warhawk Tanzania! That’s a fucking name and a half, ain’t it? Seriously, you can hope for, nay, EXPECT, two things from a name like that – 1) he’s gonna kick ass and 2) he ain’t gonna take no jive from anybody no how. Continue reading “Devil’s Express (1976)”
Aw shit yeah octagons.
They tell us to stop our cars. They are used all over the place for shady fighting tournaments. They have eight, count ’em EIGHT, sides. You know why octagons are so fuckin’ badass?
Because they ain’t no squares, that’s why.
Then there’s Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom – because there is no protection from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity – twice. They once made Chuck Norris brand toilet paper, but he wouldn’t take shit from anybody. The chief export of Chuck Norris is PAIN. Continue reading “The Octagon (1980)”
Ah Cannon Films, how I’m glad to be back in your warm embrace.
And what’s this? It’s a Charles Bronson picture this time? Oh boy. I’m ready to see some people get their fucking teeth kicked in by a geriatric!
I’ve covered lots of Cannon Films on this blog, but I’ve only covered a couple movies from their big Chuck duo – Charles Bronson and Chuck Norris. Those two previous films, The Delta Force and Firewalker, both belong to Chuck Norris. It was often said, as a bit of an inside thing, that the Cannon Films casting often looked at whatever goofy movie Golan and Globus wanted to make and then separated them into the two Chuck piles. Some were better for Chuck Norris’ skill set while others were better for Bronson. I’m guessing the movies that needed a more mobile action star who might be able to be more hands on with dishing out justice to punks went to Norris. Then the ones that seemed more suitable for a Clint Eastwood type went to Bronson. After all, by the time Bronson started making tons of Cannon Films, he was in his 50s and seemed much older than Norris anyway. Continue reading “Assassination (1987)”
Holy shit… This is the 100th post for B-Movie Enema. Yowzers. How am I going to celebrate?
I’ve already looked at one Captain America movie way back in May 2016. So why am I double dipping? Because Cap is my A-1 Super Guy. He fights for freedom and awesomeness.
And also… America. Fuckin’ pure America. Pure like Budweiser changing their name to America. Continue reading “Captain America (1990)”
Frank Castle… It’s the A-1 super bad ass of the Marvel Universe. He is a marksman from the U.S. Marines who also trained with the Navy Seals. Basically, name some group in the military, and Castle probably had something to do with it.
When he returned from service, he was excited to come home to his wife and children. However, while picnicking with them, tragedy happened. A mob deal went sour and the shootout resulted in Castle’s family being caught in the middle and killed. He vowed to destroy every criminal and became known as The Punisher. Continue reading “The Punisher (1989)”
The Fantastic Four is Marvel Comics’ “first family”. Without them, there literally is no Marvel. They were the brainchild of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby and launched in 1961 to capitalize on the re-emergence of superhero popularity in comic books that had waned by the late 1950s.
The Fantastic Four was comprised of leader Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) who could stretch like rubber, Susan Storm (Invisible Girl) who could turn herself invisible, The Thing (Ben Grimm) who was a hulking rock monster, and Johnny Storm (The Human Torch) who was both Susan’s brother and able to light himself on fire. They treated each other as family and even argued like one too. It was the first real example of a team of superheroes who didn’t always get along. Despite the overall high sci-fi type of tales they would tell, Lee and Kirby had created something that had a realistic flavor to the characters and their interactions. Continue reading “The Fantastic Four (1994)”
Marvel Comics… Man, what more can I possibly say about how awesome they are? Obviously, they know what they are doing with their movies. Over the past 20 years, Marvel has, for the most part, cranked out great superhero movie after great superhero movie. Starting with 1998’s Blade all the way up to today’s Thor: Ragnarok, no other movie studio has come close to recreating their source material into a major motion picture.
However, there was about 20 years before the release of Blade that things were pretty lean for Marvel getting their intellectual properties into movies. So, I’ll be looking at four of these attempts this month. There’s no better place to start than right here with The Incredible Hulk Returns. Continue reading “The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988)”
It’s not every day that someone gets to say “Last week I watched My Stepmother Is an Alien and this week, I’m taking a look at Darktown Strutters.” I feel pretty accomplished.
Not only do I feel accomplished by typing a sentence that I’m sure no one has this past decade, but I’m fast approaching the centennial mark for B-Movie Enema! This marks the 91st entry of this blog. That means that before the end of November, I’ll have hit 100 posts. How do I plan on celebrating that mark?
By taking a small break to pursue some other projects which could mean some significant overhauls to this blog. Continue reading “Darktown Strutters (1975)”