Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

I have a confession to make, and I don’t think when I reveal it, I will be the only one who shares this feeling.

I freaking love Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

For some, that’s heresy.  “A Halloween movie without Michael Myers?!?  No, sir!  I will not have it!”  Well, the truth is, the original movie, a masterpiece that excelled beyond most people’s expectations, was never meant to have an entire franchise centering around lead antagonist Michael Myers.  Really, John Carpenter only wanted to tell his own version of the boogey man.  He and producer Debra Hill did conceive a sequel that would continue the story of Michael Myers and Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), but when approached by Universal Studios for a third installment, Carpenter said he’d only agree to it if it was not connected to the first two films at all. Continue reading “Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)”

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Happy Friday the 13th, folks.  Even though this occurs a couple times every year, this one is kinda special.  It isn’t just Friday the 13th, but it’s a Friday the 13th in October, the undisputed scariest month on the calendar.  It’s like a double Friday the 13th!  If only it was also a full moon then everyone everywhere would just get murdered by guys in hockey masks, werewolves, Michael Myers, or Irish toy makers.

This is the perfect chance for me to talk about my favorite Jason Voorhees movie – Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. Continue reading “Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)”

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)

45 years ago today, the fourth of the Planet of the Apes movies was released to theaters – Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.

By this point, 20th Century Fox knew they had a marketable franchise.  They hit it big in 1968 with the original Planet of the Apes that created a world where apes were king and men were not much more than beasts of burden.  There are three main things remembered from the first film: 1) the original reveal of the gorillas hunting down humans in a cornfield, 2) “Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”, and 3) the end reveal that Taylor (Charlton Heston) had only time traveled to the future of Earth and not to a distant planet. Continue reading “Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)”

Clinger (2015)

Okie doke.  It’s the end of March.  It’s also the point to which I have to take a break from all these Amazon Prime horror movies.  I wish I could say that Prime is the gift that keeps on giving, but man…  Each one of these is like I’m gambling.

Like I’m flopping my dickbag onto a little guillotine and then betting on Black on a Roulette wheel and hoping it doesn’t land on Red.  And if it lands on one of the green spots, well…  I don’t think I need to go into too much detail about where they’ll shove my newly severed saddle bag.

In my butt.  That’s where they’ll shove it. Continue reading “Clinger (2015)”

Blacula (1972)

Now that we got The Velvet Vampire out of the way last week, it’s time to get our Bloodsucking October theme for Halloween officially kicked off with something far, far better.

That’s right, Jack…  Blacula is getting up in this blog.

This was the horror/blaxploitation mash up that started them all.  This one also has the widest appeal.  Yeah, it’s probably because of the title.  I mean, you see a movie called Blacula, and you think to yourself, “Holy shit, I have to see this.  It’s gotta be great!”  At that point, with a title like that, you either have to play it as a parody or you play it straight as shit. Continue reading “Blacula (1972)”

Dementia 13 (1963)

This week, I decided to give myself a treat.  Yes, if I look at four of the last seven weeks, I’ve had a pretty good run of movies that were at least pretty enjoyable and worthy of saying I liked.  However, I’m in charge of this damn blog so when I want to treat myself to a better movie, then goddammit, that’s my prerogative.

So let’s talk about Francis Ford Coppola.  He’s a maker of fine films like Jack, Captain EO, and Godfather III: The Revenge.  He also makes either wine or grape jelly – or BOTH…?  He also made Sofia Coppola who made a fine movie that no one knows what the fucking last line of is but I bet it’s juuuuust right. Continue reading “Dementia 13 (1963)”

Brainscan (1994)

Remember Edward Furlong?  Yeah, the good John Connor.  He’s in this movie.  So is Skeletor, Frank Langella.  Today, we’re going to look at 1994’s Brainscan!

Oh, and it also looks like Daniel Craig also plays a scary guy with a stretched out face!

In the 90s, technology was flooding our everyday lives.  Computers with the interwebs and the lightning fast 14:4 modems that delivered to us super high contrast colored websites and flying toasters.  It was only fair to assume it was going to filter into our movies.  Once in the movies, naturally, it was time for it to take over horror, sci-fi, and horscirorfi. Continue reading “Brainscan (1994)”

Thirst (1979)

This week’s B-Movie Enema is a bit of a change of pace.  First, it’s a good movie.  Second, it’s an interesting take on an old idea.

From Australia, allow me to present to you Rod Hardy’s Thirst

I should note that the director, Hardy, has gone on to work on some things of note relatively recently.  He’s directed episodes of Battlestar Galactica, The X-Files, The Librarians, and Supernatural.  So he’s no schlub.  The film also stars a beautiful actress by the name of Chantal Contouri who is a little Greek and a little Australian, and all around alright by me.  While she did have a brief stint on General Hospital in the late 80s, for the most part, she’s primarily stayed in Australia and been on many of their TV shows.  Unfortunately, we don’t get many of those so I can’t give any overview of that in any real sense like the shows that Rod Hardy worked on here in the States. Continue reading “Thirst (1979)”