Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

The final film of my Summer of Anniversaries event celebrates the 25th anniversary of Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth.

However, we’re a couple weeks early on the celebration end.  Oddly enough, 1992 didn’t have much for me to choose from.  1987 and 1997 had a bunch.  But in order to find something celebrating a 25th anniversary, I had to look to September.

September 11.

For a movie that takes place in New York City with all sorts of hell breaking loose.

With the Twin Towers appearing in the background of the poster. Continue reading “Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)”

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

What’s this?  Another utterly disappointing fourth film in a franchise to be released in July of 1987?  You bet it is!

In a span of four weeks in the middle of the summer of 1987, moviegoers had to be subjected to Jaws: The Revenge from Universal, this week’s feature, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, and Masters of the Universe.  The latter two being massively popular intellectual properties for young kids – both released by Cannon Films.

That’s fucking depressing to know that much shit flew out of screens into your face in such a short period of time. Continue reading “Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)”

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Oof magoof…  Talk about your ill-advised sequels.

1975’s Jaws is a cinematic triumph in proportions never seen before.  It broke box office records.  It was the first, true “blockbuster”.  It changed the way movies are released.  Hell, it created what would become the “summer movie”.

The funny thing is, it shouldn’t have worked out the way it did.  The production was a disaster with mechanical sharks used to depict “Bruce the Shark” constantly breaking down and nearly unusable to the point that direct Steven Spielberg had to become incredibly creative on how he shot the shark.  The production shot at sea which caused lots of problems when unwanted boats simply drifted into frame.  The film went way beyond schedule and way over budget. Continue reading “Jaws: The Revenge (1987)”

Batman and Robin (1997)

Holy fishdicks, Batman!  This week’s B-Movie Enema feature is, without a doubt, one of the most reviled comic book movies ever.  This (along with another fourth movie in its franchise I’ll be talking about later this summer) effectively killed a relatively popular and very profitable Batman franchise.

Since it turns 20 this week, and this is a summer in which I’ll be focusing on those movies celebrating anniversaries, of course I’ll be featuring Batman and Robin. Continue reading “Batman and Robin (1997)”

Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt (2011)

Well, because the sweet embrace of death didn’t come to pass last week, I guess I have to continue Full Moon Fever.  At least there’s a chick in her bra and panties on the cover of this week’s movie!

Er…  I mean.  That had zero bearing on me choosing this movie – Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt.  No, that was the $2.95 price tag at the local Dollar General.

And the promise of tits.  Lots and lots of tits. Continue reading “Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt (2011)”

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Initially, I had planned on letting Halloween come and go and pat myself on the back for a successful month of October featuring some vampire movies.  I thought, “Hey, I had a theme, I have a movie coming up that will run parallel to Doctor Strange in the first Friday of November, and I even have an Election Day Special planned.  I’ll just ride out Halloween, a job well done.”  Then I watched the Halloween movies to celebrate the holiday.

Suddenly, all those repressed memories of Halloween: Resurrection resurfaced and I got mad.  Really, REALLY mad. Continue reading “Halloween: Resurrection (2002)”

King Kong Lives (1986)

Fuck this movie right in the ball sack.

No.  No, I suppose I should try to be professional about this.  I shouldn’t just leave it with the incredibly aggressive opening salvo I gave this article.  Instead I should try to be a little more grown up about it.

Have sexual intercourse with this motion picture unto its testicle bag, also know as its scrotum. Continue reading “King Kong Lives (1986)”