The Asylum Month thankfully comes to a close as we look at another dumb titled movie that is meant to capitalize off dumb fuckshit people willing to rent absolutely anything from Family Video to dumb down their fuckface brains and think they “done seen that one movie that came out last week at the video store!”
Fuck. I’m angry. The world is shit. Everything good and right in this world sucks donkey balls. The Asylum has sucked the soul out of me. I’m not exactly sure how to go on after a month of giant spiders fighting army chicks, a shitty Sherlock Holmes, and the worst fucking movie I’ve ever laid eyes on. Now this. Now this dumb fucking movie with a dumb fucking title… Continue reading “Independents’ Day (2016)”
Oh boy… After last week’s utter debacle, I could certainly use a little British classiness to bounce back. Too bad it’s still an Asylum fuckfest abortion.
Sherlock Holmes, as a character, first appeared in print in 1887 and was an immediate success for author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I could spend a long time giving you more history about the character being one of the most famous detectives in all of history, and how many books he was in, and what have you, but I’ll save that for Wikipedia to tell you all about. Continue reading “Sherlock Holmes (2010)”
Round 2 of my month long battle against The Asylum, makers of crap and shit that I disdain since, like, I dunno… 2004 or something. I don’t care how long they’ve been at this. This time, I have a real offensive one: Atlantic Rim.
This is an instance where The Asylum simply took the title to a movie coming out (i.e. Pacific Rim), and modified it only slightly to give it a new title that cannot lead to a lawsuit against them, but, yet, still keep some sort of visual similarity to the movie it is ripping off. Continue reading “Atlantic Rim (2013)”
You people suck. I mean it. You guys are real assholes.
A couple months ago, I put out the call to action for B-Movie Enema Facebook followers to vote for what my May 2017 theme was going to be. You had marvelous choices. You could have picked more 80s horror (I subscribe to an entire channel on YouTube that I wanted to pull from). You could have picked Cannon Films. You could have chosen the chance to revisit movies from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Hell, you could have picked to send me to the Sharknado series! Shark-fucking-nado! Continue reading “Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)”
Not long ago, I paid a long overdue visit to the library of Cannon Films by covering the utterly irredeemable crapfest known as King Solomon’s Mines. Now, I am about to make another real bad choice and dive into The Asylum.
Ah yes, the schlock factory, The Asylum. They make their living off of making movies with titles that seem somewhat familiar to dummies who A) don’t know the name of the movie they think they want to see and B) too stupid enough to think the movie they saw a commercial for coming out to the theaters is already on demand or in video stores. Trust me, there are a ton of these dummies out there. I worked at a video store for years and it never ceased to amaze me how often we were asked for a movie that had not even yet come out in theaters to see if we had any copies of it already. Continue reading “Avengers Grimm (2015)”